It would seem that friends – it’s a personal matter of the child. But how hard is it to wave goodbye when the baby walks alone, while his peers have fun and pranks together. Of course, Mom herself can play with a child, offer a variety of interesting activities, both at home and on the walk, but society is unlikely to fully replace communicating with other children.
If the baby is withdrawn, it is difficult to find a friend, parents can help with this. The main thing is not to impose your opinion on the future with whom and how a child can be friends.
How to help your child make friends? It is believed that up to the age of three, the baby does not need the company of peers. If the baby just starts to learn, the playground is not worth insisting on a joint game of kids. The company of mom – that’s what you need such a kid.
At the age of 3-4 years, the situation changes and the child is increasingly interested in peers. Communicating with other children is necessary to develop self-confidence and increase their own importance. After all, up to this point, the child was surrounded mostly by adults and took a rather low position in the family hierarchy due to his or her age. If you notice that your child has started to throw interested glances in the direction of other children, it is time to help your child learn to be friends.
Adults think that approaching other children is an easy task and any child can do it. But is it always easy for you to approach complete strangers? Even an adult would seriously consider whether to participate in beach volleyball if the participants are unfamiliar to them. Although, it would seem that an adult would at least know how to do it. The toddler has no idea how to even approach and offer to play together.
Teach your baby to say his name and explain how to meet another child. Learn the simple words, “Let’s be friends” and “Can I come with you?” Tell him when you can use them, show him an example by walking up to other children together with your baby.
It will be much easier for the child to get acquainted not with the noisy children running around the playground, but with the same loners. See if there are other kids in your child’s environment who are playing by themselves. Teach your child how to offer them a joint game, share a toy.
Different situations can happen in a child’s company: one child can be a brawler, another – gets upset and cries, a third – gets greedy. It is important that the baby is ready for any surprises.
Of course, you can talk to your child, explain how to behave and instill civility basics, but it is much more effective to play these moments on the example of dolls or cars at home. So it will be easier for the baby to learn a pattern of behavior, and mom time to notice that the child is not working or is difficult.
In the game form, you should teach your child the ability to change and share toys, to refuse when necessary. If your child has a temper, you can teach him or her to say frankly and clearly what he or she does not like about other people’s behavior.
Children are very curious, so think about what you could do to attract your toddler’s potential friends. When leaving the house, pick up interesting and bright toys that other kids might be interested in. It is desirable if you take for a walk a few of the same or similar toys, which can be shared with peers and involve them in a common game.
You can also pick up equipment for group activities, such as a children’s basketball hoop or badminton. Do you have a place in your backyard to draw? Fine – buy a big box of crayons.
Do not necessarily bring expensive toys, the main thing – to show imagination. Today’s children, spoiled with interactive games, can easily surprise and attract the most basic and simple things, such as feeding birds and launching ships of walnuts in the nearby puddle.
Come up with an interesting game together with your baby. You can build a snow fort – such activity is sure to attract helpers and observers. No snow in the street? No problem – make an original sandcastle, and most importantly, do not forget to take a few extra shovels for other kids.
Be ready to take an active part in the fun. At first, you have not so much lead as to lead by example with your own actions.
It will be difficult for a child to learn a game if he has never participated in it before and does not know the rules. If the baby is also touchy, then the first reprimand may force him to do something alone again. So learn with your child moving games, explain the rules.
Children on the street playing an unfamiliar game? Do not be shy to ask him to explain the rules to you and be a “translator” for your child. Play together first, so the baby will feel more confident.
You can also suggest a game from your own childhood. It is good if it will already be “worked out” with your child at home. Preschoolers often lack the initiative to organize “bluffing” or “hide-and-seek”, if you make an organizer of interesting activities and your child is unlikely to be ignored.
Some parents consciously or unconsciously prevent their own child from making friends. That the company got wrong, the relationship in the group is not clear mom and now she herself is not even realizing it builds barriers between the baby and peers. To be a helper baby in search of friends, assess your own behavior and try to change it so as to become an ally baby.
Pay attention to the way you explain a situation to your child. You and your child did not share a scoop in the sandpit, and mom wants to calm down the child? Of course, you should do it, but be very careful with the words. Enough of the phrase: “Oh, do not cry, he’s just greedy,” and the baby is unlikely to be friends with a child. Firstly, because no one wants to be friends with the “greedy”, and secondly, children are spontaneous enough the next time to call the abuser by his mother’s words.
Preschoolers are too young to make appointments with friends and maintain relationships. If you go out for a walk at different times, visit a playground where the kid was only playing from time to time, it is unlikely he will have friends.
Conversely, if you agree with a new acquaintance’s mother to walk in the same hours – it will be a good prerequisite for creating a long-term relationship between the children. A terrible thing will not happen if you make a concession and invite a new friend of the baby to your place, creating the necessary conditions for the children to play.
If you see that your child got used to and feels good in the company of other children, try not to bother them too much. You can still offer an interesting game or activity but leave an opportunity to communicate without adult intervention.
If because of every little thing a child goes to complain – do not rush into conflict, give advice, at most, talk to both children, but leave room for independent resolution of the situation by children.
Most conflicts your child will soon learn to solve themselves, but the habit of complaining will remain. Remember what the attitude has always been towards “tattletales”? And to moms who flew into the yard “fury”? This is hardly a good way to help your child make friends.
All children are completely different, and by the age of 5, individual characteristics of the character are already apparent, which can both help and hinder a child’s contact with peers. If the baby does not talk about his buddies in kindergarten, at the playground he keeps apart and does not want to play with the other children – it’s time to watch him and see what the problem is.
In doing so, it is worth evaluating the child’s behavior outside of the house. Very often in a small circle, the baby is quite relaxed, sociable and easy to contact, but it is worth it to be in an unfamiliar situation, or among peers, the child seemed to be replaced.
Most often it is difficult for a child to make new acquaintances because he is too shy or unsure of himself. This kid will never have many friends, and this should be accepted, but to help him master the skills of communication is possible.
To get used to the new company this child will need the constant presence of an adult nearby. Perhaps it was just the mother at first to include the baby in a conversation with children or in the game itself to ask about the possibility of participation in this or that venture.
Shy kids will be more comfortable with a peer one – to one, rather than in a large company. And shy kids are better friends with the guys a little older, “leaders” by nature, they will be able to learn important communication skills.
A child who is not confident will find it easier to find common ground with another child in a comfortable environment for him, so often invite friends or acquaintances who have a kid of the same age to visit.
Try to develop the child’s self-confidence, if you organize a game, let it be moving, requiring loud shouts and the ability to lead. Such exercises can help your child cope with shyness.
Overcoming excessive shyness will be easier for the child if:
Nowadays, there is also a large number of training sessions for children who suffer from excessive shyness. Participation in a group activity under the supervision of a psychologist can help the child feel more confident in any company.
Another problem that can prevent a child from making friends, is the desire of an overly spoiled kid to stay in the spotlight. Of course, a born leader will be easier to find friends, but it’s not an easy road. As a rule, children react equally negatively as insecure child, and the “newcomer” who immediately begins to impose their own rules.
If your child is active, sociable, surrounded by excessive tutelage, and relations with peers are not getting along, it is likely that he is trying to gain a leading position in their company. Or on the contrary, refuses to communicate, because for his “place in the sun” among them still have to fight.
Such a kid is better off finding a slightly younger friend, and learning to show care and attention. In home games also do not hurt “daughter-mother” with a change of roles, training in communication skills in game form.
Egocentric child is desirable to join immediately in a large group of children. At the site of the baby is better to offer games that require the participation of several children and close interaction between them. Mom’s direct involvement in this case does not require it, it may well give way to the head of Chad if it is familiar with the rules. The main thing to watch is that the baby did not show aggression if someone tries to challenge his right to command and suppress this behavior.
If the child can not find friends on the playground or in the garden, perhaps you should think about going to a section where he could find friends of interest.
These are only two extreme cases that prevent a kid from making friends. Sometimes they may even require a visit to a child psychologist, but as a rule, love and attention from parents is enough.
There are other character traits that prevent the child from finding playmates. If you observe a child in the company of peers, ask the teacher in kindergarten and, of course, the child himself, you can find a reason often quite unexpected.
For example, my son at one time had a problem because he did not understand… teasing. And he didn’t know how to respond to them at all. And, yes, we learned the teasers and we sorted out their meanings.
Do not make the mistake of isolating your child from his peers, even if he protests violently. Rather, help your child to overcome those barriers that prevent his normal development.
Author Bio: Hannah Butler works as an essay writer in a company that provides expert paper help for students. She likes sharing her experience in the form of articles in such spheres as Psychology. In her free time, Hannah enjoys rock climbing and bike riding.
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