The most important thing before pursuing anything is to be clear about what you want to get. Parents who are building friendly relations with their children are trying to educate an independent personality without complexes, to gain trust and respect for their own child.
To deserve this kind of attitude should be with an understanding of the kid, to give him more and more freedom, limited to a minimum of prohibitions. In my opinion – it’s really true. And in this respect, seeking to be a friend of your child is necessary. After all, a healthy family is built on these principles.
The child is a person.
First of all, you should understand that the child is already a little man, and the task of parents is to guide him, to help him find himself and his place in life, to define his own views. If we overprotect the baby, pulling on the little things, prohibiting familiarity with the outside world – we are hindering his development.
It’s worth accepting the fact that the conclusions that will come to a growing personality, will be different from the parents by virtue of their temperament, especially the development and just because he – it’s not you.
This applies to everything – good performance in school, choice of company, toys, sections, etc. This is an area where parents can offer something, but do not insist, advise, but do not forbid. The fact that the child will like other things, he may have different aptitudes should be ready at once and give the little person freedom to choose.
Any case is not as significant as the problems of a loved one. If a child will not share with parents bitterness about the broken machine, a new interesting discovery, a small achievement – it’s hard to count on the fact that in the future he will tell something really meaningful.
If your baby wants to tell you something, listen, talk to him or her, look at the house he or she has built or a new drawing, ask questions. Help solve a problem, give advice, don’t be condescending. And on the contrary, try to start a dialogue with your child, supporting him/her in the way he/she is interested.
Needless to say, adults feel more comfortable among people with similar interests. Such an environment often helps to discover their own talents and abilities. This is even more true for a child. Parents have a wider range of possibilities – to offer new rules, to make the game more useful and interesting.
At the same time, it is necessary not only to impose their rules, but also to accept the conditions of the baby. I had one mistake – I was always trying to interpret this or that action with the toys in my own way, and my son was very offended that I didn’t understand the rules, and any suggestion was followed by one answer: “No.”
Then I just started asking questions: “What do you think this car will do? Maybe it should do this?”. And the game got better. I accepted my son’s rules, and he began to accept mine. This clearly shows that through cooperative play we ourselves learn to interact with our child.
This means equally respectful to their and his desires, aspirations, views. Listen to your child’s opinion and make your own. If you don’t allow your child to interfere in some way in the personal space of his parents – think in advance about how mom and dad will not interfere in the life of your baby.
Rather absurd sounding, for example, that the child chooses his mother’s dress. In the same way, she should not impose their point of view on the baby’s closet, the interior of his room, toys, personal items and interests. Mom can advise, to express their point of view, but do not dictate.
Do not deprive the child of the right to vote in general family decisions: how to spend a weekend, where to go on vacation, what to cook for dinner, etc. Apologize if you were wrong, or if you didn’t fulfill a promise. By showing respect for your child, you will deserve the same treatment in his eyes.
As the child grows, the word “no” should be heard less and less often. If you can forbid some things to a baby because he is not yet able to understand, the older the child, the more you will have to explain and agree without the word “no”. Prohibitions can achieve obedience, but not understanding.
In addition, it is difficult to bring up an independent personality, if you decide for a child what you can and can’t do. As you grow up, leave more and more space for your child to make his or her own decisions. So you’ll let him know that you trust him, and create conditions for the development of responsibility for their actions much better than with punishment.
Mutual respect and trust are very important components of the family. But is not the friendship between parents and their children another utopia? If “friendship” in this case means the ability to understand, accept, listen, and help advice, then, of course, the friendship between parents and children must be.
But considering this issue, parents, as a rule, see only one side and do not notice the other. Friendship presupposes equality in everything. Parents simply cannot afford such a thing. They are forced to perform functions that are not part of the concept of friendship.
Adults in the family always make the rules themselves. Yes, they can deviate from them, they can change them, but they are always the decisive word. What kind of friend will set clear limits?
Yes, these limits can be said tactfully, they can be explained, but they simply cannot be removed completely. We adults make children’s daily routines, supervise homework, and distribute responsibilities in the family. Can we give up such things in order to achieve absolute harmony and mutual understanding?
If we cancel the boundaries set by parents, the adult will simply give up the role of the leader in the relationship, take away the child’s sense of security and a reference point for imitation.
Another important aspect closely related to the previous one is the issue of leadership. Completely abandoning any authoritarian actions like bans, nerdy reminders about cleaning and doing the same lessons, we rely solely on the relationship built with the child. “He will understand that this is not the right thing to do, he will understand how he should behave, he will take an example,” parents reason approximately this way. But in any team, whether it’s family or a group of friends, there is a leader – formal or informal.
There may come a time when the child will have a new friend who will set a different example and idea, and the parent will lose authority. By voluntarily giving up formal leadership, we can create a situation where parents will either have to drastically change their behavior to protect the child, causing misunderstanding and dissatisfaction on his part, or remain observers. The latter is perfectly normal when the child is an adult, but in the case of a teenager it can turn into a disaster.
Isn’t it better to reserve the right to be and formal leader for the kid, gradually surrendering their positions, than to be powerless in the face of bad company or alcohol? The child should know that one way or another – the parents have the last word, and they determine what decisions he is ready to make on his own.
Friends share problems and experiences with each other, and oddly enough, many parents believe that the same is acceptable in relation to their own children. But is it?
Yes, you should talk to your child, talk about your problems, and help them solve their own. But does an adult have the right to share absolutely all problems with a child? Of course not – if mom starts telling her daughter about her personal feelings about her relationship with her father, it’s unlikely to do the latter any good. If the adult begins to involve the child, even a teenager, in solving his problems, asking for advice, as is customary between friends, he will demonstrate his own failure, confusion and weakness.
For a child, parents are the people on whom he or she relies, his or her self-confidence is directly dependent on them. Therefore, when talking about his or her failures and difficulties, you should present them as: “the problem is the solution. Otherwise, of course, you will be a friend to your child in the full sense of the word, but you will take away his/her feeling of security, a reference point for imitation and can cause considerable damage to the psyche.
Parents should understand that they can not create a situation of full equality between themselves and the child. And it’s normal that the child, growing up, will seek understanding and support, not only from mom and dad, but also from their friends-peers.
Setting too close a relationship, completely satisfying the need for communication and understanding, we bind our children. And then it’s not about friendship – it’s an addiction, because no friend will not be with the child constantly under the same roof.
Do not go overboard – the child should know that his parents have their own interests, their own friends, their own social circle. In the same way, he should have his own social circle and personal interests, which he does not have to share.
Speaking of friendships with children, it is important to feel the line between the friendship itself and the position of a mentor. As the child grows up, this line should fade, and the relationship should change from authoritarian to democratic, but it is the parents who decide when and in what aspects. Do not pursue the utopia of absolute equality – in this case it is useless, just be caring and sensitive parents.
Author Bio: Hannah Butler works as an essay writer in StudyEssay, a company that provides expert paper help for students. She likes sharing her experience in the form of articles in such spheres as Psychology. In her free time, Hannah enjoys rock climbing and bike riding.
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