Helping Your Child Manage Separation Anxiety Before Starting School

Starting school is a big deal for your child, especially if they’re not used to spending much time away from home. It often brings up feelings of anxiety about being apart from you, and fear of abandonment. Other kids are absolutely fine after a quick hug and a goodbye. Others might cling, cry, or beg you not to go. As a parent, it can be extremely challenging to see your child so distressed and know what to do. In this post, we’ll discuss what exactly separation anxiety is, why it happens, and how to deal with it.

What Does Separation Anxiety Look Like?

Separation anxiety can show up in many different ways. It doesn’t always look like tears at the door; sometimes, it starts much earlier. Issues like stomach aches, clingy behaviour, or trouble sleeping may all be signs your child is harboring anxious feelings.

However, they may not be able to express their fears directly and verbally. This is why it’s important to watch for behavioural clues. Refusing to get dressed for school is a common one, as is suddenly wanting to sleep in your bed again. You may also notice your child being more generally emotional at home. This doesn’t mean they’re not ready, just that they need time, structure, and your steady reassurance to help them adjust. 

Why It Happens

Young children feel safe around you in familiar places where they understand what’s happening, but school changes all those things. They’re in a new, bigger, unknown environment, with new adults, routines, and expectations, so naturally, it can seem scary. Kids at that age don’t have a strong sense of time, which can also exacerbate things. All they know is that you’re leaving them, and they can’t fully comprehend when you’ll be back.

Fortunately, there are ways you can help your child prepare for the routine of school drop-offs and pickups. A Pre-K program gives them the chance to practice being in a group setting without just being thrown into the deep end at primary school. It eases in more gradually. Programs with small class sizes let them gradually build confidence and develop trust at their own pace.

What You Can Do at Home

There are other techniques you can apply at home to help both you and your child prepare for school. The first is to practice separation by starting small and building up over time. You could leave your child with a grandparent, neighbor, or trusted friend or babysitter. Before you go, always make it clear when you’ll be back, and always say goodbye. Then, make sure you return when you say you will. This develops trust that you will come back as promised and shows them that goodbyes don’t last forever.

Next, make sure to drip-feed information about school so you don’t overwhelm them. For example, you could talk about the little moments they might experience, like hanging their bag on a hook or eating their lunch. This helps the school feel more familiar before they’ve even been there. Books about starting school also help to get your child excited about it. Look for stories where characters feel nervous but everything turns out okay. Encourage your child to express what they’re feeling while you read together.

Finally, create your special goodbye ritual. Whether it’s a kiss on both cheeks, a double hug, a special phrase, or a secret handshake, what matters is that it’s predictable and familiar. Whatever you do, avoid sneaking away. Goodbyes should be short, firm, and memorable. Ducking out while your child is distracted might feel easier in the moment, but can lead to even bigger anxiety issues over time.

Managing the First Day

On the first day, get up early. Rushing will only increase any stress that’s already there, so you want to keep things moving along steadily but calmly. Let your child choose something small, like which socks they want to wear, to give them a feeling of ownership and comfort. Keep drop-off positive, and try to remain relaxed even if your little one screams and cries. Tell them when you’ll be back, and thank them for being so brave, even if it didn’t go exactly as well as you’d hoped.

Children watch you closely for cues about how to feel. If you look worried, they’ll pick up on it and feel unsure themselves. Stay steady, even if you have to fight through the tears; it will help your little one feel safer if they see you’re confident that they can handle it.

Endnote

Separation anxiety is rough for both you and your child, but it’s also a completely normal part of starting school. With the right support, your child can work through it and learn to be excited, rather than anxious, about school time. The best course of action is preparation: Pre-K programs, practice separations, and incrementally building familiarity with the concept of school.