Most kids are well-behaved, although there are the few who really drive their parents up the wall. He is a good kid alright, but sometimes, he just drives me crazy and I do not know how to deal with it.
Now how can parents deal with such a situation?
First, identify the negative factors that they see in their child. Is your child defiant, demanding, disrespectful, or short tempered? Parents are also likely to say, “Of course, most of the time, he is well-behaved, polite and other related positive factors. Now, this is a natural tendency in most parents. They just cannot accept the negatives in their children.
However, what parents should first do is to search for what they fear most in their kid and sort it out. The moment they learn that skill, then the relationship between the child and the parent would greatly improve.
After isolating the good and bad factors, parents should first stop worrying and trying to fix and shape their kids. Instead, parents should effectively try to visualize a balanced picture, if they ever want to have a positive influence on their child and to always promote open communication.
Let us isolate what parents fear. That is to lose their cool and screaming at their kids. Mentioned below are few tips to overcoming that.
Stop searching for what you fear.
Parents tend to continuously search and isolate evidence of what they fear. They constantly fear that their child is a loner or a loser, and lose sleep over that. There is no point in creating situations in your head. If you check to confirm your evidence, it would just be the opposite. Of course, there is always the exception, if you do happen to catch him alone without any friends, it would become a self-gratifying prophecy. Instead, just check with your kid’s teachers, friends, and check on them more than once, and you will find that your fears are unfounded. Therefore, don’t feed on your fears, because you are unconsciously feeding the negative into your kid. Therefore, the first step is to try to put a hold on to your fears.
How to always remain calm with your child, despite the situation.
Once we master the art of turning negatives into positives, then half the battle is won. However, you must remember that if you are not careful, the converse can also happen. This would make your kid angry and drive you up the wall. It is useless, blaming the kids, because they are just displaying the natural behavior by being defiant. So, never, ever, label their defiant behavior as negative. Their defiance, or a kid who is not afraid to speak out and say no, can later translate into leadership skills. The parent’s only job is to redirect this energy into proper channels and always keep lines of communication open. Therefore, the first step is to assess and change you as a parent. The child is in a learning process, and most of the different negative behaviors exhibited by him is your unconscious influence.
Do not parent the child you wish that you have had.
Every time you face with your child’s negatives, make a list of at least three to four positives. In other words, the fundamental fact is to identify the positive factors in the negatives, and channel them properly through open communication. Try to convert aggression to positive assertion, which would hold in good stead later on. Poor behavior and emotional breakdowns can be discussed openly and channeled in to problem-solving abilities, so that it would develop as a management skill later on. In short, your job is only to guide and channel these energies properly and explain to them how to accomplish that.
Change places with your kid.
Every time there is a discord that drives you crazy, take a step back, and visualize what would you have done, if you were in your kid’s shoes. This will give you a better perception to what exactly is transpiring in the child’s head, and to act accordingly.
Working on outcomes that improve your kid’s behavior.
Try to visualize a situation where you tried not to worry what others thought about what you wear at a party. Now, put yourself in your kids (particularly, if the kid is a pre-teen or teen) shoes and do the same about what you would wear to school. It would be impossible. Therefore, try to identify with him or her, and understand and sympathize with their angry outbreaks. Additionally, this will also help you understand their negative behavior a little more deeply.
Try to identify whether the behavior is negative or a retaliatory behavior.
Once we understand the kid’s behavior, it may not appear as negative. Neither will it appear bad, once we understand its purpose. Assume that a child is brought up in an atmosphere, where there is constant tension and conflicts at home. If the child realizes this and acts up, there are chances that her parents might calm down. However, the child does not realize that the parents calmed down, so as to focus on the kid’s negative behavior than their own problems. This might give the child the feeling that his or her negative behavior will bring a certain level of harmony at home. This trait becomes embedded in the child unconsciously, and shows up whenever there is an argument or problem.
It is very easy to view kids from a place of worry. This will only help our imagination run wild, when we are stressed. So, try to install an open communication channel with your kids. Do try to view your kids as who they are and not whom you fear that they might become. When you begin to see your kids in a positive manner, it will also help them thrive and grow positively.
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