Short Stories » Dialogue Between a Christian and an Infidel
(Enter book agent.) " Good-day, madame, I would like to show you an interesting work?"
"What is it, sir?"
"A work showing the errors of the Bible, as arranged carefully by our most advanced scientists and free-thinkers."
" Sir, I have no use for such a work ; the Bible is the book for me."
"Madame, I can show you that the Bible is of no use in this age of progress. You cannot show me any benefit to humanity in the whole volume of errors and inconsistencies."
"Sir, I can take one sentence and prove to you that it contains a commandment to all the human race, a rule that would benefit the whole earth."
(Agent, sneering) " I'd like to know what it is."
"'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and thy neighbor as thyself/ If you refuse the first part as a commandment to yourself, the last five words are enough to guide the whole world to dwell in order and harmony. If these words were lived up to, there would be no wrong done by one to another, consequently no crime or sorrow."
"That's all right, that's Bob Ingersoll's doctrine.'*
"Sir, I would not set Bob Ingersoll before his Creator, nor give him the credit of that command; if he uses it he is only a plagiarist; God is the author of those words."
" Never mind, what use is your Bible anyway ? The Christians are a small part of the world; millions get along without it.
" Yes, the heathen ; who would wish to dwell among them?"
" Oh, I'd just as soon live among them as with the Christians!"
"Well, sir, I think that would be the proper place for all infidels to go to ; they would soon be exterminated."
"I guess I'll stay among civilization; and I'll ask you to show, madame, any noted infidel that was ever guilty of crime."
"Sir, infidelity is the greatest of all crimes to deny your Creator."
" I don't acknowledge any creator."
"Who sent you here upon earth?"
"Oh, I just happened here by process of evolution! "
"Indeed! A Darwin theory. Well, I'd rather claim descent from a heavenly Parent than from a monkey."
"Well, madame, I don't believe in a God anyway."
"Neither did Saul, until he was struck by lightning, but he found out the truth then."
" I don't know about that ; we have no proof of such statement; why, madame, the New Testament was not written till three hundred years after the death of Christ, and then all those things might have been exaggerated."
" Sir, the apostles did not live to be three hundred years old, and Josephus, a Jewish historian of undisputed authority, confirmed the existence, the wondrous teachings, of our Saviour, his death, and the labors of the apostles also. Behold the destruction of Jerusalem and the scattering of the Jews in fulfillment of our Lord's prophecies ! History confirms it all."
" Well, madame, many of your Christians have deserted their own principles, but even Voltaire never recanted, nor any other infidel."
"The French people suffered revolutions and massacres for many years as a penalty .for receiving the writings of Voltaire ; and Tom Payne, a great infidel, did repent on his death-bed all he had written."
" That is a ministerial fabrication. Free-thinkers don't believe it."
"We Christians have as good a right to believe he did recant as you infidels to say he did not."
"Yes, but when I die, if you should witness my death you would see me pass away an infidel still."
"I would not wish to witness your passing away; I would rather attend the death-bed of a good Christian, at peace with all mankind and his Creator, and mourned by his fellow-creature."
"Well, when I die I'll just turn up my toes and go off regardless of everything."
"I don't know whether you'll turn up your toes according to your own plan or not. You may be destroyed suddenly by flood, explosion, or some other unexpected calamity, and where do you expect to go after you die?"
"Nowhere; that's the end of me."
" Sir, I think you will find that you will have to go somewhere and meet an account of yourself."
"Well, madame, I'd advise you to read your Bible."
" I have read it more than any other book, in fact I learned my letters on my grandfather's knee, from the great family Bible; it was my primer, reader, story- book and history all in one."
"I guess I'll be going! I see you keep bees?"
"Yes. Do you think they are infidels or Christians?"
" No, sir! they are Christians. They keep the laws that their Creator made for them. ' God made man upright, but he hath sought out many inventions.' Infidelity is one of them. These Christian bees are contented, industrious, and orderly. Infidels are uneasy, live a life of fault-finding, and die unsatisfied and miserable, after all their endeavors."
"I am prepared, madam, to resist scientifically all the arguments of Christianity against infidelity. I am immovable ! No matter what may be brought."
(A bee stings him and he fights back and beats a retreat.)
"Bravo! for the insect defender of the faith. Mr. Infidel, I thought you were immovable !" (Exit infidel.)
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