This current generation of mothers, finds it difficult to accept such a situation. “What am I supposed to do? Maybe he is not really sick, or is he? Maybe, I am worrying too much about it. Maybe he barfed because of the amount of sweets he consumes. Anyway, it’s only a few hours, before I return home. I reckon the sitter can cope till then.” Whatever maybe the reason, you come up and rationalize with an excuse to not cancel your appointment.
We are so profoundly compelled to adhere to our plans, that even in a crisis involving our children; we are not sure about the correct thing to do. In circumstances where change happens, we only think about sticking to our original plan. We also feel that this would be the best option, so that we can maintain control and remain focused. This obviously is incorrect, as we’ve got it all wrong. This is more evident in people who grew up in similar environments like ours. Until they grow and get better at it. Then, they realize that plans were made to be broken.
Scratch off all your plans. Call the sitter, the places where you had scheduled your meetings. Inform them about the situation and the change in plans. Give priority to your child and be with him or her. This is the place where the genuine parenting occurs. This is when the child realizes that you will be beside them, no matter what the consequences are. Keep looking at your child’s face, stroke his hair, comfort him, and make him feel at ease. Offer them the love that you never received as a child and keep on providing as much tenderness that you can possibly give. It is such moments that your presence makes a huge amount of difference to the child. You don’t need a book to tell you that your presence is required. Don’t ever let your child feel later that he had a neglected childhood.
This is not only in the case of your kids. This is the same with elders or elderly parents, sick relatives or even a dying family member. You may find the decision of dropping everything and rushing to their bedside difficult. Change the sick rules that some of these elders/ characters may have imbibed in us.
The Show Must Go On!
What happened after you were sick as a child? Although, most of us are not sick fairly often, there was this feeling that unless you were completely down and out, we would receive no pity. In other words, THE SHOW MUST GO ON, and the weak were left behind. The general advise was, “Buck up, don’t be a retardant and interrupt the flow.” Therefore, who is to blame for our behavior now?
There was also the overall perspective in most households that being unwell was in a way, evidence of an internal inherent weakness.
Likewise, one should not over-indulge a sick kid. This principle is same for adults as well. If you are sick, cancel all plans – stay at home and look after yourself. Be an honest parent to yourself.
Parent Your YOURSELF LIKE YOU Parent A CHILD
People tend to become an advocate for their needs, when they have children. Before the kid’s arrival, people would not cancel committed plans that they had made, even if they were exhausted or if they were unwell. It was believed that people would just not believe that and that friends and office members may move them out from their social list.
However, when it comes to championing the needs of their kids, there is no such hesitations or faltering’s, it is all simply obvious. The thought of people scoffing at such a reason does not enter the mind, unlike in the case of us being sick. So simply consider yourself as advocating for your son or daughter and you will soon be comfortable and find the necessary voice to try it for yourself, as well as for his benefit.
In fact, parents who grew up in homes of alcoholics are even more impulsive. They have a tendency to lock themselves into a course of action while not giving serious thought to various behaviors or its resulting consequences. This impetuously ends up in confusion, self-loathing, and a loss of control over their environment. Additionally, they spend excessive energy try to cleanup up the mess they create.
Parenthood might just shake off any of our preconceived ideas we have about being in control. This, in a way, is very beneficial for our growth as well. Youngsters are unconstrained and spontaneous. We are a little taken aback by the spontaneity of kids. Kids feel and do not hide their emotions. However, parents like most of us, adapted a bit late about feeling and respecting our emotions. While regarding, and permitting the highs and lows of the stages of our kid’s developmental process, we get to develop and nurture our internal identity as a child as well.
In conclusion, we tend to make sense of how to manage ourselves by doing it for our kids. This would give us a clear manual on how to lovingly parent our own selves.