Parenting simply appears to go together with guilt. Perhaps, parents after losing control are worried about shouting at their children and try to make up by giving them excessively. Alternately, parents later feel that they are being too lenient. Regardless of the cause, most parents experience guilt. However, what they do not understand is that guilt or remorse is not about fault, but accepting responsibility as a parent.
Given below are some simple tips to forgive yourself about your perceived shortcomings, and moving forward.
Losing your cool and screaming at your kids out of rage and exasperation
First, accept the fact that you are bound to become exasperated, when kids do not behave the way that you expect them to. Therefore, like all parents, you are likely to raise your voice or even shout at the kids, occasionally. Besides, kids are extraordinary and know where to exactly press the button that will push you over the edge. Of course, it is obvious that you are going to feel guilty, subsequent to losing your temper. Alternately, there is a bright side, you can take responsibility and approach your kid and demonstrate a sincere apology. Once the kid understands why you were disappointed, you could tell the child that the next time such an incident happens, you will walk off and cool down. However, he or she should understand that by the time you return the problem must be resolved.
Learn to practice self-control rather than being inconsistent with discipline
Part of a parent’s job is to put limits on their kids, and likewise it is common to experience issues with these cut-off limits. Perhaps, you are too stressed out, or perhaps, you have a kid who pushes back these limits. Whatever may be the reason; there will be times, when your kids feel dismayed when you set rules in the house. So go over everything and check what you are overlooking that makes the kids so irate. Perhaps you may be feeling that you are giving the kids an excessive amount of free reign, and their behavior is beginning to cross the line. It is never too late to restructure these boundaries. Decide ahead however, you will hold your kid responsible if they do not respect these limits. Be flexible with these limits to make them more disciplined and responsible.
Your kid’s behavior should not be an indicator of your parenting
When times get hard, it can be natural to reprimand and feel pity for your kid. This may happen once there is a death within the family or a divorce. It is anything but difficult to relax some of the limits that you have set, when you feel that your kid is experiencing such an extreme time, and needs a break.
You obviously wish to be empathic and listen to your kid, and get him or her outside counsel if they need it. However, it does not imply that you ought to enable them to not behave appropriately. It is a powerful lesson, particularly for teenagers. They should not grow up thinking that there are parents to shield them away from struggles and negative emotions. As parents, the maximum they could do is to simplify mechanisms that they cannot foresee or stop, particularly conflict, tragedy, or loss. Doing an excessive amount for your kid could be a mistake later on.
There are times, when children simply want somebody to pay attention to them, and to responsibly guide them along a regular routine with an applicable structure. However, youngsters still ought to have rules and consequences, further as chores and responsibilities. Do your best to strike a balance and to offer your kid the necessary love and guidance them through it. You cannot manage people or the surroundings, however you will still be able to manage yourself and the way you parent your kid. It is generally best to specialize in what you will be able to manage and control.
Doing an excessive amount of for your kid
Doing an excessive amount of for your kid, or “over-functioning,” is another role that parent’s fall into when they are feeling guilty or remorseful. For example, when they ask their kids to do their chores, they tell them once, twice, thrice, and finally after about six times they simply do it themselves. Alternatively, maybe your kid is trying to complete a school project and crying saying that it is too difficult, and you feel pity and eventually help. It is vital for parents to not step in and rescue your kid from challenges, no matter how difficult they may appear to the kid. Doing an excessive amount to assist your kid through these challenges is simply offering your kids the message that they are not capable, or good enough, or ready to do things on their own. However, it is important to place confidence in them while guiding them.
Basically, perfect kids and parents are a fantasy. In other words, there is no such thing as a perfect parent or perfect kid. Parenting is something that you learn along the way, where you can expect setback with progress. We all make mistakes, but you have to learn to forgive yourself and learn to move on.